Lori Esses, LMSW

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.

Lori Esses, LMSW's style

Why Lori Esses, LMSW chose to be in the helping profession

I am grateful that I do the work I do. I chose couples and family therapy because I saw how deeply relationships can impact a person’s well-being, and how painful they can be when they’re not working. Over time, I continued to see how much distress can live inside relational patterns, even when people care deeply about one another. I felt that with the right tools and understanding, meaningful change was possible, and that belief continues to motivate me in this work.

I have always been interested in the way relationships function. I find myself naturally drawn to understanding the dynamics between people, how each person’s actions, patterns, and responses influence the whole system. In my work, I pay close attention to how these patterns show up and repeat, often in ways that are hard for people to see on their own. When even one person shifts, the entire relationship can often begin to change in subtle but important ways.

My work is rooted in curiosity and a systems perspective, along with a steady belief that change is possible even when things feel stuck. I aim to help people slow down enough to notice what is actually happening between them, rather than what they assume is happening. With the right support and awareness, new ways of relating can begin to emerge. It is meaningful to be part of that process and to support people as they build more understanding and connection in their relationships.

Lori Esses, LMSW's approach

I am a trained individual, couples, and family therapist, and my work focuses on helping couples improve intimacy, navigate conflict, strengthen communication, and take personal responsibility within their relationships. I help clients identify the recurring patterns that create disconnection and guide them in making concrete changes that shift the way they interact with one another. My focus is on what is happening in real time between people, and how small shifts in behavior can begin to change the larger relational system.

My approach to therapy is structured, active, and goal-oriented. I use session time intentionally to move the work forward in a clear and focused way. I do not view therapy as a space for unbounded self-expression, but rather as a place where relational improvement is developed through awareness, accountability, and practice. The work is meant to be practical and applicable outside of the session, not just reflective within it.

I am direct in my work and will call out behaviors that are harmful to the relationship when necessary. At the same time, I approach these moments with compassion and care. I believe that growth happens when individuals are both supported and challenged, and I work to hold that balance in the room. My intention is always to create a space where honesty can exist without shame, and where change feels both possible and actionable.

I am a certified in Terry Real's Relational Life Therapy and I draw from a range of modalities, including Internal Family Systems (IFS), Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and Byron Katie’s The Work. I tailor these approaches to the specific needs of each individual and couple, rather than applying a one-size-fits-all model. This allows the work to stay responsive, grounded, and effective.

When appropriate, I incorporate trauma-informed work into the process. This may include working through trauma in the presence of a partner, when clinically appropriate, which can deepen understanding of how each person relates to themselves and to one another. This process often brings clarity to long-standing dynamics and creates space for more conscious and connected ways of relating.

What you can expect from sessions with Lori Esses, LMSW

You can expect sessions that are structured, focused, and actively guided. The work is intentional and designed to move things forward, not just explore what is happening. I help clients stay connected to what is most important in the moment while also building insight into the patterns that are shaping their relationship.

In couples work, I often spend time with each partner individually in the presence of the other. This allows for greater clarity, accountability, and understanding within the relationship. It also helps each person better hear and take in what is being expressed, while reducing defensiveness and increasing the capacity for honest reflection between partners.

A central question I often bring into the work is, “Who do you want to be in this relationship?” I use this as a guide to help clients move beyond reactivity and toward intentional, values-based change. This question helps shift the focus from blame or repetition of old patterns to a more conscious way of showing up with one another.

I will name patterns as I see them and, when needed, call out behaviors that are getting in the way of the relationship. I also compassionately confront clients, with the goal of helping them grow into the partner they want to be. This balance of directness and care is central to my approach, and it supports both accountability and meaningful change.

Lori Esses, LMSW's experience working with the Jewish community

I have extensive experience working with individuals and couples across a wide range of Jewish communities. This includes Chabad, Syrian, Haredi, Dati Leumi populations, as well as non-affiliated or less observant individuals. I am comfortable working across different levels of religious observance and cultural frameworks, and I pay close attention to how those frameworks shape relationships, values, and communication patterns.

In addition, I have worked with clients outside of the Jewish community, which has further broadened my clinical perspective. Across all of these contexts, I aim to understand the client’s world as they experience it, rather than make assumptions from the outside. This includes respecting differences in culture, belief systems, family structures, and expectations within relationships.

My work is grounded in meeting each client where they are, with respect for their background, beliefs, and level of observance. I integrate cultural sensitivity with a strong clinical foundation, allowing both to guide the work in a balanced and thoughtful way. The goal is always to support meaningful change while staying aligned with what matters most to the client and their lived experience.

Lori Esses, LMSW's Book Recommendation Zone

• Mishlei (Proverbs)
  The wisdom of King Solomon
• The New Rules of Marriage
  by Terry Real
• No Bad Parts
  by Richard C. Schwarrz, PHD
• Self Compassion
  by Kristen Neff, PHD
• How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
  by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny

Approaches

• Attachment-based
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
• Couples Counseling
• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
• Family Therapy
• FLASH Technique
• Gestalt Therapy
• Imago Therapy
• Inner child work
• Internal Family Systems (IFS)
• Motivational Interviewing
• Premarital Counseling
• Sex Therapy
• Structural Family Therapy
• Tapping & Emotional Freedom Technique
• Trauma Focused Therapy

Concerns

• Anxiety
• Codependency
• Dating
• Emotion regulation
• Parenting
• Relationships
• Trauma

9 years in practice

Licenses

• LMSW by New York 2023. License number 119204
• MSW by Israel 2020. License number 39697

Degrees

• MSW by New York University 2002
• BA Psychology by Brooklyn College 2000

Certificates

• Relational Life Therapist - Terry Real 2023
• Internal Family Systems Levels 1 & 2 2025
• Nefesh TRAUMA Training Certificate 2023
• EFT Emotionally Focused Therapy - Externship 2021
• CBT/CBT for Anxiety, Judith Beck 2018
• DBT - Basic Skills, Marcia Linehan 2018
• Gabor Mate Master Class for Healers 2023

Trainings

• Machon Shinui - The Israeli Institute for Systemic Studies and Family Change 2018-2020

Average costs per session

$175

Payment Methods

• Free consultation