The "True Colors" Myth: Why You Lose It at the Wrong Time

Your partner has a flaw. You’ve brought it up, but no serious change has been made. You’re bothered by it, but you’ve been having patience, tolerating and containing it. 

Then something happens that leads to that flaw getting worse. 

This is when you lose it. 

But this is a mistake. 

Let me explain…

The woman who tends to be disorganized. 

Her house is on-and-off messy. Dishes in the sink full to the brim, clutter on the table, overflowing laundry. 

Now she becomes pregnant. 

The house gets worse. And her husband, who’s been quietly gritting his teeth for months, perceives this as pregnancy giving his permission to finally let it all go. And, so, this is when he loses it.

He’s wrong though. 

Pregnancy isn’t her excuse. She’s not doing less because she stopped caring. She’s doing less because she legitimately has less to give.

What looks to him like her “finally showing her true colors” is actually a his wife surviving.

Here’s the distinction that matters: is this her choice, or is it truly a consequence? 

-Your husband is normally punctual. Work becomes a pressure cooker. Now he’s late to everything. You start thinking this is who he actually is, and he has been putting on an act until now.

-Your spouse is normally affectionate. Then they lose someone close. They go cold and distant. You feel rejected. You start wondering if the warmth was ever real.

If they’re going through something real and you respond by piling your frustration on top of it, you’re not holding a standard. You’re abandoning your spouse when they needed your understanding and support.

Don’t mistake a difficult season for a character confession.

• Career Counseling
• Codependency
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
• Gottman Method
• Hypnotherapy
• Inner child work
• Life Coaching
• Life purpose and meaning
• Mindfulness and Meditation
• Positive Psychology
• Trauma