Unleashing Your Masculinity: 5 Steps to Becoming A Healthy Jewish Man with Dr. Benson Fox, Coach

Live on Instagram @okclarity on Jul 18 at 9:00 p.m. Eastern Time

ASK Fay: What to do when triggered in public and can't cry it out?

Hi Fay, thanks for this opportunity! Any tips for what to do when i get triggered in public and cant leave? BH have tools, but it normally involves crying it out a bit, regaining control of breathing etc. Any ideas for what to do when i can't do that eg as a counselor in camp?

You're so welcome! Ty for being here.

I appreciate your question because it embodies so much growth and self awareness and a sense of self acceptance for a struggle you're contending with. Wow.

Ok - here are a few ideas I want you to think about. Try one or all.

1/ See if you can practice containing the overt expression that you sometimes have - even now in advance of camp) even if you technically have the privacy/ability to cry it out.

To do this - Try some self talk like "ouch, I want to run to my room now and have a moment and technically I can but I'm going to practice containing that and reassuring myself that I'll go do that in 10 min or in an hour." Whatever amount of delay you can give yourself and contain it until then would be great.

Doing this in advance of camp will give you the skill and the confidence to know you can contain when you most want to.want to reiterate that there's nothing wrong with or to be ashamed about your way of processing emotions - we're just trying to help you be more flexible so you have an easier time in diverse settings. Ok?

2/ There are some amazing breathing exercises you can do in front of people and they wouldn't know - research "ujavi breathing" (I butchered the spelling but it should be findable from my attempt) and the "psychological sigh" and practice them. They're amazing and regulate your nervous system. I use them when I'm anxious to public speaking and even to relax and fall asleep. Getting good at different breathing exercises that help you stay incognito is so handy.

3/ Have 1-3 white lie ways you can excuse yourself should you really need to. This will reassure you and make you less anxious about the whole concept. Knowing you have an exit plan that won't cause you shame is important. Some ideas, ouch my stomach hurts I need to go to the bathroom real quick, a cough and you need to get a drink or you get creative. Ask a rabbi if you want the ok to use this strategy.

4/ Have a friend, or co-worker who you can be honest with in advance and ask her to cover for you if you while need a 10-minute last min breather on occasion and you can do the same for her. This can be a nice way to build a relationship based on trust and vulnerability.

5/ Last but not least, remember that it's OK if you burst into tears unexpectedly

- there's nothing to be ashamed of and if it happens and you find a way back to composing yourself in a relatively short time frame that's actually something to be proud of.

I hope this helps and I'm rooting for you, always! Xo

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About the author

Fay Brezel, LMHC

Therapist, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, LMHC

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

  • 🎯 Direct
  • 💙 Warm
  • 💪 Challenging
  • 💡 Solution-oriented

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