As we discussed in part one, this section will briefly explore how to incorporate Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy into daily life.
In part one we used the analogy of a captain trying to lead a crew of astronauts through outer space effectively. We discussed how easy it is for the captain to become overtaken by the other crew members. These were then related to an individual’s personal internal experience or system. The captain is our self and the crew are the parts of our system. So too, sometimes our self is “blended” with the other parts of our system.
The self is the “you-est you,” and is often expressed within these 8 attributes: Curiosity, Compassion, Connectedness, Calmness, Creativity, Confidence, Clarity, and Courageousness. Sometimes our parts take over the “control room,” causing us to act from a place outside of self. The goal is to have our self be the leader of our system while gaining from each part. One of the best ways to achieve this is to “un-blend” parts from the self. Or in other words, create space for our self.
So how can we create space for our self to lead? How can we ensure that our parts are in their ideal role and that we heal our wounds? The following will work to give further insight and some practical ideas for implementing IFS in our day-to-day living experiences.
Making space for each part so that our self can lead is no small task. One of the best ways to un-blend is to recognize who we are first. By finding our core we can see our unique differences from the blending part. It can help to start a practice of noticing where our behaviors are coming from. Are they coming from one of the 8 “C’s?” And if not, can we pay attention to where this motivation is coming from? Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help make space for your self to shine through while honoring all parts and their unique protective skills.
Is my behavior/emotion/thought coming from a place of the 8 “C’s?”
Is my behavior right now a reflection of my values?
If not:
Can I name the emotion/thought I am experiencing now?
What do I notice about this experience?
Is it manifesting physically in any way?
What would this part/peice of me/thought/feeling etc. like to teach me about itself or anything at all, if it had a voice?
Make this a daily practice, to notice your inner experiences and ask yourself these questions. Being mindful of the "why" behind your actions and the lessons you can take away about yourself.
Internal Family Systems isn’t the easiest to grasp. It can feel floaty and even feel like make-believe. It can help to look at IFS like a metaphor about our mind and how we can function best. Just like the parable with the captain and crew can help illustrate a concept, so too, these skills and language can be used as a tool to understand yourself better. It may feel silly or even childish at first, just know that is normal. It may help to remind yourself that this is an evidence-based therapy. As well as, that you have already experienced many of these concepts-just without this therapeutic framework.
For example, the experience of pain is unfortunately a common one. At times we might even feel pain and joy at the same time, or bittersweet emotions. Showing that it is indeed possible to feel more than one experience at the same time.
For example, have you ever thought about taking something small, or doing an act against your values, and then decided to honor your higher self? For some, it is a soul and others, it is the intrinsic goodness within, all of that is an expression of self.
It may seem foreign at first, knowing that you contain multitudes. You are not a one-dimensional object or being. You have conflicting thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. You may have had different chapters of your life, some more joyful than others. Know then, the more we approach ourselves from a place of honesty, the more we will be able to act from a place of authenticity and goodness.
Some parts we are ashamed of, some we would like to get rid of or push away. Sometimes we lose control or lose sight of who we are. Remember, you are the captain and your crew needs you. And remember your system will have your back.
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