What is Truly Good Enough?

Last week I posted about perfectionism vs shooting for 80%. One reader replied with a great question.

"How do I know when it's truly good enough vs when I'm just throwing in the towel on something I could do better? When do I go with 80% — and when do I really need to up my game?" — Rivkah

In true coaching style, Rivkah, I'm going to answer your question with two of my own.

Question 1: If I'm saying yes to upping my game here, what am I saying no to?

Question 2: In this role, how do I want to be remembered?

Here's how they played out for one of my clients...

Meet E. 👋🏻

Mom of 2 under 6. Two years into aliyah. Small apartment, new neighborhood, no car, no convenient facilities — and a full-time job.

She came to me overwhelmed at trying to organize and then manage her small apartment with lack of storage space. Not the deep cleaning, but the day-to-day, soul-destroying-because-it-never-stays-that-way stuff.

Dishes. Laundry. Tidying the living room.

Her "up my game" goal was clear: prevent the mess in the first place.

We focused on the living room, where her kids played, ate, and spent most of their time at home.

I asked her: "If you're saying yes to a constantly tidy living room — what are you saying no to?"

Pause.

E: I’m saying "No" to toys on the floor. "No" to resting on the couch after a demanding day while her kids played.

"No" to pillow forts and afternoons where a laundry basket became a boat.

Preventing the mess meant "no" to those unstructured hours where her kids just... got to be kids.

And "yes" to what, exactly? An hour every night resetting the room after she finally got them to bed? Dragging herself to the park to keep them out of the living room? Working harder to fill the time they used to fill themselves?

So we got practical.

Functionality first: can you walk across the floor? Can you sweep it? Then, with whatever energy was left: cushions picked up, toys in one pile, garbage out, clothes in the hallway hamper.

By the end of her coaching journey, "chilled afternoon mommy" trumped "prevent the mess." E chose good enough over upping her game.

"I'm choosing to be a calm, fun, attentive mother. Over being the mom with the spotless living room."

That wasn't throwing in the towel. That was a principled choice.

YOUR 80TH BIRTHDAY TOAST 

Since I'm celebrating my own birthday this week (okay, 52, not quite 80 yet), here’s the second question — and the perspective shift it always helps me with:

Rivkah, in this role — mother, wife, friend, professional — where you feel like you "could up your game," how do you want to be remembered?

Picture your 80th birthday. Your kids raising their glasses, giving you a toast.

Do they say: "Even as little kids, we always felt like she wanted to be around us"?

Or: "She always made sure the cushions were back on the couch"?

Yeah, I figured ;-)

When I first work with clients, we get clear on all their important roles: mother, wife, professional, friend, sister. And on what it actually looks like to show up impactfully in each one — not perfectly.

And finally, Rivkah, when you asked about something you could do better… I'm sure there's something.. but at what cost?

These two questions have helped so many of my clients get stuff done with less stress and more ease. Sharing them with you this week is so much sweeter than sharing cake.

Happy birthday to me!

PS. If you want to feel clear, capable, and at peace with the effort you're putting in now — and proud right up to your 80th birthday — let's talk.

Book a complimentary breakthrough call. Together we'll pinpoint the ADHD patterns keeping you stuck and map out your real next steps. Then we'll decide together if ongoing support makes sense.