Unlocking Your "States of Mind" for Better Parenting

One concept from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that I've found incredibly helpful is the idea of "States of Mind." And it's not as complicated as it sounds!

In DBT, there are three primary "States of Mind": reason mind, emotion mind, and wise mind. Let's break it down.

Reason mind is where we lean on facts and logic to make our decisions.
Emotion mind is the raw, emotional side that makes choices based purely on feelings.
And then there's wise mind, the sweet spot where logic and emotion meet to guide our decision-making.

As parents, we often find ourselves navigating tricky situations that beg for smart decisions on behalf of our kids. Picture this: your little one is having a meltdown over a toy, or your teenager is sulking in his room. In those moments, it's super easy to slip into emotion mind—reacting with frustration or fear. But here's the kicker: we can take a moment to step back and tap into our wise mind. This could mean taking a few deep breaths, practicing mindfulness, or chatting with a trusted friend or therapist. By doing so, we can make choices that consider both our emotions and the hard facts at play.

So, how do we practice "States of Mind"when it comes to parenting? Let's look at a scenario we all know too well. Your child asks to go somewhere that makes you feel uneasy. Your gut reaction? A firm "no" based on worry—that's the emotional mind kicking in. But if you take a breath and access your wise mind, you could turn that moment into a valuable conversation. Share your concerns, set some boundaries, and maybe you'll find a compromise that satisfies both sides.

Embracing these DBT principles can seriously transform our parent-child relationships and improve the whole family dynamic. By being aware of when we're in our emotion mind, we can make more thoughtful and wise decisions that combine logic and feelings.

So, next time you face a parenting dilemma, hit pause. Take a deep breath, tap in to your wise mind, and tackle the situation with compassion and clarity. Until next time, happy parenting!
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• Anxiety
• Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)
• Parenting
• Trauma