Dialectics, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Dialecticality. What does this word even mean and why should it suddenly enter our vocabulary?
Marsha Linehan, the founder of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) characterized dialectics as being able to find a middle ground or synthesis even from opposing ideas, thoughts, and feelings.
Did you ever have someone start a compliment or a positive sentiment toward you,
"You are such a great employee..."
and then it is followed by,
"but..."
That is often how we characterize our lives.
"I am doing well, but..."
"They were finally respectful to me, but..."
"You said you meant well, but..."
It turns out that black and white create great contrast. It is so much harder to blend the two into a nuanced gray.
That is where dialectics come in. It is true, in life there are extremes, the trick is to find the middle ground. The trick is to hold the two opposing ideas as two truths that need to be aknowledged and synthesised.
For example, let's revise the previous quotes using dialectics.
"You are such a great employee..."
and then it is followed by,
"And it's also important that you come to work in a timely manner."
"I am doing well, and I am still struggling with life sometimes"
"They were finally respectful to me, and at the same time, I want to be respected more often"
"You said you meant well, and at the same time, my feelings were hurt"
When we use dialectics, sometimes it is uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels like wrangling with opposing worlds. Sometimes, it is more painful to aknowledge the nuance. Such as the dialectic, "I am doing my best, and I can also do better."
Dialectics might not become your favorite word after this, and...at the same time, it will now hopefully be part of your vocabulary.
