I have social anxiety and tried everything... by Fay Brezel, LMHC, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, LMHC

I have social anxiety.

I am afraid of silences during conversations... and therefore avoid them altogether.

Having a stutter complicates things.

I've tried many meds and therapies to almost no avail.

I'm glad you reached out and it's so interesting that this question came within 24 hours of the previous question and they're share the same struggle - social anxiety.

I think it's so important to realize how common a struggle this is for men and women of all ages.

You're normal. You're not alone. And the best news is that help and healing is possible.

Here are a few of my thoughts:

1/ Having silences during conversations is uncomfortable even for people who don't struggle with social anxiety so please validate and normalize this for yourself. Of course silences are uncomfortable and of course it's even more uncomfortable for you considering your struggle of social anxiety and a stutter.

2/ you may think you have to do something to stop or reduce the silences or avoid having conversations but that's really not the case. You simply need to expose yourself to the discomfort of the silences and the uncertainty that a new conversation will bring and practice tolerating the discomfort.

You'll realize that success is not in how little silence can there be or how many conversations can you dodge but rather you're success is measured in how much silence you can learn to tolerate and how many social interactions you can initiate despite the fear, uncertainty and discomfort.

3/ I know I used the term "simply" above but i know it's not simple. It's much easier said than done. But it is possible with the right support and guidance and i know you said you've tried so much already but please

- don't give up. Keep trying different modalities until you find what works for you.

4/ I recommend reading the response I shared right before yours and take whatever you can from there that can be helpful but just to echo one sentiment - getting involved in Emunah and bitachon can really help you as you do your hishtadlus to find the right support. See the link I shared yesterday for the chat 1 listen to but if that's not up your street then try Rabbi Asher books or anything else that resonates.

5/ regarding the stutter struggle - I know there are so many different treatments out there that promise relief - I feel like 1 always see them advertised but I don't have any close experience with them.

6/ I can imagine that a stutter is something you're insecure about and how it complicates you're social anxiety so I'm not going to make light of your experience. I just want to bring to your attention that I've personally encountered people with mild stutters and I found it to be endearing and lovable and wouldn't have considered it to be a flaw at all (even though to them it was!)

My point being that we're all our own worst critics and as bad as you think you sound or come across it's likely not even a hundredth of that in real life as it relates to others. So chin up and confidence up

I hope some of what I shared resonates and is helpful and please keep an eye out for other resources to pour in. You got this. I believe in you and we're all rooting For you

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