Am a decade out of high school & still feel like a bad friend destroyed me, my sense of self, self-esteem, and ripped out part of my soul. Idk why but need to get over this idea. Still have related nightmares. Have hugely discussed this in therapy, got some clarity,still not over the feeling. Pis advise.
This sounds really painful and I'm sorry you went/are going through this.
I'm not sure if and how my response can compete with years of therapy but I'll try to share some thoughts in the hope of being helpful.
I/ I know a decade feels like an eternity and it is a really long time. That being said, sometimes it can take a decade or more to heal from less-than-desirable life experiences. I share this to help you realize that just because you haven't gotten over it yet, it doesn't mean you never will. Likely, you have made tremendous progress in healing from the fallouts of this relationship and you will continue to do so.
2/You're looking to get over the feeling but feelings don't really work like that. Feelings come and go like waves in an ocean and sometimes the more we fight the wave the more we lose our footing.
This actually happens when you walk along the water by the beach.
When a wave comes, if you try to keep walking thru the waves the more likely you are to fall. If you allow the wave to hit you but you stop walking and ground your feet - you'll be able to continue walking right after the wave passes. Maybe what you're really trying to get over is not the feelings but the ways in which this experience is impacting your current actions/behaviors/life.
Which leads me to point three.
3/ Which is that perhaps the best way to overcome this trauma is to identify the ways in which it is tangibly holding you back and then fight tooth and nail to not allow it to have that sense of satisfaction or control over you.
Yes, the voices in your head might still be scarred from whatever... but oftentimes the last thing to change will be the voices in our head or the beliefs we have about ourselves. Often our behaviors need to change first. We need to shift our identity from the outside in.
So, in which ways are you limiting your life because of these beliefs and how can you seriously start taking action despite the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs?
Doing this will be the best and greatest gift you can give yourself.
And the best revenge - if you feel like you want revenge but don't know how to get revenge in a healthy unharmful way...becoming the greatest version of yourself despite it all - is it.
Lastly, I'll leave you with a powerful line my therapist recently shared with me.
Albeit in a very different context - I believe it can be applied to you as well.
She said - "You're the same human you were, but you're not the same person"
I found this so powerful and I was reminded of it as I'm answering your question.
My hope for you is that you understand that while you're the same human you always were (when that friend hurt you...) today you are NOT the same person.
The person you are today would likely never let an unhealthy individual (I'm taking for granted she was - unhealthy - at least for you...) have this severe negative impact on your life, the person you are today knows how to protect herself, surround herself with good people, trusts her gut etc. this being the case the person you are today can loosen the grip and begin to let it go...because while you're the same human you're not the same person you were back then.
I hope some of this resonated and as always sending you love hope and healing!
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