Mindful Parenting: Why Bother?

I love nature. Give me a blossoming tree in the spring or a brightly colored maple tree in autumn, and my heart expands, my feet want to dance, and I feel like singing or writing poetry. It's so easy for me to be mindful and fully present when I'm alone with nature. But bring people into the mix, especially little people, and it's challenging!

When I learned DBT for the first time, Lane Peterson introduced the idea of mindfulness. He had us focus on our breathing. The in-breath, the out-breath, noticing our thoughts, feelings, body sensations, and urges.

Sure, this is relaxing, I thought, but what relevance does this have to my life? And if it is relevant, where will I ever find time for this mindfulness practice? I need actionable tips, stuff I can do now to handle my life--and my kids--better. Then I heard Jane Eich describe mindfulness with such clarity that I was blown away.

She broke down mindfulness into three steps. Observe, Describe, Participate.

1. To observe means to notice what's going on in the moment.
2. To describe means to use language to describe what is going on internally and externally.
3. To participate means to decide how I will react or not react.

Here's an example to help clarify: I told my two-year-old, "No cookies before supper." Then, I observed that my son was lying on the floor, kicking and screaming. I noticed that my heart was starting to beat fast, and my ears were hurting.

Next, I used words to describe to myself what was happening. Oh, Michael is having a tantrum; he's acting angry. I'm frustrated that those cookies were left on the counter and we were caught in traffic, so he is hungry and tired. I'm feeling exhausted, too. I notice some feelings of resentment that no one is here to help me with this.

Then, I can decide how I will participate. What are my options now that my two-year-old is having a full-blown tantrum?

I suddenly discovered the power and necessity of mindfulness in parenting. Mindfulness gives us the power to stop and think before we react to our kids' shenanigans. Mindfulness helps us be more aware of all aspects of a situation so we can take action in a way that we know is best for our child, ourselves, and our families. Mindful parenting is magic.

Up next: Mindful Parenting Step-By-Step

Happy Parenting!

Devora

• Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)
• Mindfulness and Meditation
• Parenting