Are You Reacting to Your Child Like Your Parents Did? Learn How to Break the Cycle of Trauma

Are You Reacting to Your Child Like Your Parents Did? Learn How to Break the Cycle of Trauma by Devora Segall, LCSW, Licensed Clinical Social Worker

As a parent, the challenges of raising school-aged children can sometimes stir up emotions deeply rooted in your own childhood experiences. You enter parenthood with the desire to provide a nurturing environment, but what happens when your child’s behavior triggers old wounds? It’s easy to slip into reactions that don’t reflect the loving parent you aspire to be.

In my new book, "Sensitive Hearts, Strong Minds," I explore how using Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills can help you break the cycle of trauma and raise emotionally healthy children. Over the next 30 days, I invite you to join me on a journey of self-discovery and practical strategies to create a more positive parenting experience.

Let’s delve into a common scenario that many of you may recognize: picking up your child from school. Picture this: your child climbs into the car and almost immediately begins whining about wanting to go to the toy store. While your heart might sink, recalling a time when you longed for attention as a child, this is your moment to pause. The instinctual reaction might be to respond with frustration or to dismiss your child’s needs. However, that’s where the magic of DBT comes in.

Imagine taking a deep breath and pausing before responding. In that moment of stillness, you can reflect on what you yearned for as a child. This is where validation shines. Instead of dismissing your son’s feelings or allowing resentment to surge, acknowledge his desire. You might say, “It sounds like you really want to go to the store right now.” This phrase not only validates his feelings but allows you to connect on a deeper level.

As you engage in this conversation, it’s important to maintain a lighthearted tone. Humor can diffuse tension and remind both you and your child that it’s okay to have wants that cannot be immediately fulfilled. You might then suggest a compromise, like planning a trip to the toy store next week. This not only provides your child with hope but reinforces the bond between you both.

Through these small yet impactful interactions, you shift the narrative away from feeling defensive or anxious about your parenting choices. Instead, you embrace mindfulness, giving yourself grace while modeling emotional regulation to your child.

Raising emotionally healthy children begins with you acknowledging your feelings and using strategies like validation to create a nurturing environment. "Sensitive Hearts, Strong Minds" is designed to equip you with the skills necessary to break negative cycles and foster a deep, healthy connection with your children.

Over the next 30 days, I challenge you to practice these mindful parenting skills. Observe the changes it brings, not only to your interactions with your child but also to your inner dialogue. As you embark on this journey, remember: parenting doesn’t have to be an anxious endeavor; it can be a gratifying path of growth, both for you and your children. Together, let’s explore the power of empathy and connection as we strive to become the parents we’ve always wanted to be.

Discover more insights and practical strategies in my book, Sensitive Hearts, Strong Minds. It's designed to guide you through the challenges of parenting with compassion and confidence. For a limited time, you can grab a copy for just the cost of shipping. Visit https://www.dbtparenting.info to learn more.

 

About the author

Devora Segall, LCSW

Therapist, Licensed Clinical Social Worker

The distance between the mind and the heart is as far as the distance from the earth to the heavens. - Rabbi Yisrael Salanter

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  • 💡 Solution-oriented
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