Pesach is approaching, and it seems as though corners we never knew existed, have somehow accumulated entire donuts.
And the adorable little toddler, with the most innocent face, has managed to track pretzels crumbs all over the freshly washed dining room floor. He can’t understand why his pretzels are being confiscated now. He is also not having it with the replacement Juicebox.
A tantrum is brewing, and frustration is palpable. The whole family is ready for a Gezinte power struggle.
So where am I going with this? In our lives, we may have a little toddler inside us. This toddler is adorable, and woah is this toddler emotional. Try reasoning with a toddler, go ahead, I’ll be waiting a safe distance away. If we create a tug of war, we all lose.
But what if we let go, well the other party will fall back. So too, by leaning into the resistance we are experiencing, and letting go, the resistance may fall back.
Here’s the catch- if you use this technique just to reduce the distress, it will defeat the purpose and may not even work. Unfortunately, allowing feelings, and noticing thoughts is hard work, and is painful. Even more painful than the boiling hot water that Shpritzes everywhere while Kashering...
While the goal isn’t to get rid of emotions, thoughts, sensations, or discomfort. Naturally, through exposing ourselves, it becomes easier to tolerate difficulty, and our flexibility grows.
That is one of the main goals of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), to increase flexibility, which in turn promotes well-being.
Want to build these “muscles?” Here are two techniques to try:
Try them before your patience is so thin that it’s as well grated and as sharp as your Marror this year. (This batch is definitely the strongest we’ve ever had!)
For feelings: Invite yourself to accept that life isn’t always easy and that the emotions you are experiencing now are _______ (painful, challenging, overwhelming, embarrassing)
For thoughts: Invite yourself to notice your thoughts like clouds in the sky. Don’t hold onto them, don’t push them away, simply notice them and describe them. “a thought of_______ (I’m a failure, I’m not enough, I can’t do this) is ______ (passing by, overwhelming me, lingering)
After trying these know, that it isn’t supposed to be easy or relaxing. It is work, but probably less work than baking a five-layer cake with just potato starch and prayers.
Chag Sameach and happy “ACTing”!
