I'm 39 married b'h. Dealing with social anxiety. I'm afraid of people...

I'm 39 married b'h. I didn't had easy childhood went through trauma. Dealing w/t social anxiety. (I did CBT & EMDR route my problem I feel rejected.) didn't make friends in yeshiva. Hard time to connect to ppl. Biggest concern is I'm gullible. I'm afraid of ppl.

TY for being here and I'm so grateful you find this platform and our community helpful.

It sounds like you've been through a lot and that you've also worked through much of it.

That's amazing especially as you shared you're 39 - I would imagine you didn't grow up witnessing people on their healing journey

- the way those in their teens and 2os do today. You had to create this path for yourself and that takes so much courage and strength.

I hope you own and honor that resilience in yourself.

I understand that you tried the CBT and EMDR route but I'm not clear and if or how much that was helpful (not sure what the rejected peice you're referring to is).

understanding that it helped somewhat but not at all as much as you'd like it to - hence this question.

It sounds like your labeled struggle is social anxiety and everything you're sharing (afraid of people, struggle to make friends, gullible) speaks to that - meaning it sounds like it's all somehow connected.

Here's some thoughts I want you to consider:

I/ while CBT and EMDR are solid therapeutic modalities - today there are SO many other modalities out there that can be helpful and I would encourage you to explore that. Psychodynamic, IFS, inner child work etc.

2/ Also, with social anxiety and with the social trauma it seems you may have experienced- having a therapist who is relational based and helps you strengthen your sense of self within the dynamics of the therapeutic relationship can be more healing than skills based therapy. My point being, perhaps it's time to try another therapy - one in which you connect to the therapist and learn to trust and be genuinely respected by an equal / authority figure.

3/ I want to address what you said was your biggest concern which was that you're gullible and are afraid of people.

So re the gullibility gullible does have a negative connotation and it refers to someone who too easily trusts people/ or things they hear. It's historically used in a joking way, but it it's meant literally it could point to the idea of lacking social intelligence.

Usually someone who is gullible would not be afraid of people so I'm not sure how these are connected for you. I'm trusting you that somehow they are but if you're also unsure that's totally ok and I would encourage you to get curious and work on understanding yourself better perhaps with the help of a solid pro.

Also, side note - I self identify as someone who could be gullible and I have a lot of respect and confidence in all forms of my intelligence so l would challenge you to break the notion or belief that gullible is a bad thing or means your lacking in any meaningful way. In my experience and in many others I know - it DOESN'T.

4/ here's a great short video on overcoming social anxiety, fears and phobias - it was originally a live done by a pro on

I believe we're always one insight away from changing our life/situation and you never know where or when that insight will click or resonate.

Overcoming social anxiety: https://youtu.be/neKSJdV3j0s https://okclarity.com/dashboard/post/322/https://okclarity.com/dashboard/post/322/

5/ to address the fear of people - of course working on your social anxiety will help but it would be remiss of me not to recommend also turning to Emunah and bitachon. Strengthening our belief and reliance on God and internalizing the truth - the only truth - that every human being is no more than a puppet & everything and everyone is in the control of the ALMIGHTY will likely be the most powerful antidote to the fear of people. It takes work and it's the kind of work we must do everyday - it's like building a muscle - use it or lose it. But it's the most worthwhile and rewarding work imho.

I enjoy listening to Micheal Safdie short 10 min WhatsApp messages on Emunah and bitachon and know thousands of men and women do too - so take it for a spin. I'll share link below.

I hope some of what I shared was helpful and or resonated.

Remember You got this.

There's nothing wrong with you. You're not broken and We're rooting for you!

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• Anxiety