Recently, I had a guy complain to me that his new wife gets emotional about everything. I asked him, “And who says that’s a problem? What if rational isn’t the only correct way to be? What if emotions being her go-to is actually a good thing?”
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We all know that there are advantages to being more feeling, and times where responding with emotions will be more effective than a rational response. For example, when your friend or child is going through a tough time, responding with your rational ideals comes off as cold and detached from their experience. However, if you utilize the power of emotions and allow yourself to drop into empathy and enter into their reality, seeing what they’re going through through their eyes, you can be a source of understanding, validation, and support, assisting them through a trying time.
In fact, it’s been proven that people who’ve been injured in an area of the brain that generates emotions often have difficulty making even the smallest decisions, demonstrating that much of what we choose throughout life is based on emotion. Nevertheless, guys (and society) typically hold up rationality as the unspoken standard in conversation, responses, and decision-making.
But we see that this unquestioned assumption is unfounded. There are times when the emotional response is clearly more effective (and successful) than the rational response.
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Bringing this back to relationships…
Guys, what if expecting your gal to be confined to a man’s rigid way of thinking is actually detrimental to the male-female dynamic within your relationship?
Let’s take a deeper look at this:
Whether right or wrong, guys often find gals to be a bit crazy. She gets emotional. She “goes nuts”. She gets “out of control”. And guys get frustrated by it. Guys typically like things structured and predictable. “Chill out, calm down, don’t make such a big deal out of nothing.” Guys often find themselves trying to edit their gal’s responses to fit their way of thinking and responding.
However, when a guy does this in his relationship with his gal, he roots out her femininity.
Here’s what I mean:
The healthy feminine is authentic and vulnerable, open to the world, and present in the moment. The healthy masculine enjoys this flowy nature and spontaneity.
Yet, this quality of femininity also lends itself to unpredictability and responding to situations in a manner that the direction-oriented masculine finds irrational or out of proportion. This unpredictability can drive the guy crazy if he doesn’t know how to view it properly and how to hold it. If he doesn’t give it the legitimacy, respect, and space it deserves, it can lead him to become critical of this expression of feminine energy and look for ways to control it or quash it where he finds it uncomfortable.
Here is the wild thing though: If he is successful in getting her to step away from her feminine core in exchange for masculine rigidity, he will find himself feeling less and less attracted and connected to her.
This is because, like all attributes, feminine energy is a package deal. It’s a two-way street. You can’t eliminate it in the 50% of situations it’s uncomfortable for you, yet expect it to exist in the 50% of situations you desire it. She’s either dropped into her feminine in this relationship or she’s not.
So, to the extent you defeminize her when it bothers you, she’s going to become less feminine altogether — including the times you desire that energy and it excites you.
It’s important to remember that it’s her feminine energy and flow that attracted you to her in the first place. If you extinguish that feminine fire, you extinguish the passion of your relationship.
If a guy uproots his gal’s femininity in order to get her to fit more into his box of “sensible” expectations, the vibrant feeling of connection and excitement he had for her is replaced with static numbness. By defeminizing her, he neuters their relationship. By reducing the complimentary polarity in his relationship, he comes to see her as not all that exciting anymore, and he can ultimately come to resent her.
Instead of trying to stamp out the feminine, guys need to respect the feminine by giving it it’s space and allowing it to exist. Appreciate and foster the femininity of your gal. Dance with it, enjoy it, relish in it, live with it, roll with it, laugh with it, tickle it, appreciate it and have fun with it.
There are only two options: Either you dance with the feminine, or you make the feminine masculine. And if you make the feminine masculine, you reduce the polarity and excitement of your relationship — and you will ultimately undermine it.
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