Why Your Fresh Start Keeps Falling Apart

Sometime around Rosh Hashana, maybe in davening or during your cheshbon hanefesh, you made a list.

This year I'll plan our meals. I'll work out three times a week. I'll finally sort the papers on my desk.

It was easy to say yes to all of them, because you didn't really have to start until acharei hachagim.

And here we are. Post holidays.

So you start everything. A new planner, a meal plan on the fridge, a new gym membership.

But by next week, none of it is still going. And the voice in your head asks the same thing it asked last year: What is wrong with me?

Trying to change everything at once is what stops you from changing anything.

With ADHD, when ten changes all feel important, your brain can't pick the first one.

So one of three things happens:

1. You try to do all ten, and before you know it you're doing none of them.
2. You forget them. There are too many to hold in your head.
3. You don't start any of them. You stare at your kabbalos like a deer in the headlights, until you can't stand feeling stuck anymore... and you throw away the list.

I know all three.

Back when I was a teacher, every September meant a new schedule, so I built myself a whole new weekly routine. Cleaning, cooking, family time, work prep, exercise.

Very quickly, I forgot most of it, or gave up because I couldn't figure out where to start.

Now I add one thing at a time.

I only add the next thing once the first one is solid. Not perfect, solid. The rest comes in time.

What one change looked like for Devorah:

When my client Devorah first came to me, she felt 20 steps behind. She was drained before the day even started.

We didn't start with her whole day. We started with mornings, one habit at a time.

Within a few weeks, her kids were no longer diving for shoes under their beds and behind the sofa every morning - they were going straight to the shoe rack. Some mornings Devorah even had a few sacred moments to drink hot chocolate in the little sanctuary we set up, inhaling calm and serenity before heading out to work.

By six months, her to-do list no longer froze her.

Here's what she has to say about coaching:

When I started with Alana, I was anxious, frustrated and felt out of control. Now I realize that I don't have to have a perfect schedule to have a good day. I am taking care of my priorities, my to-do list and myself!

Picture Chanukah looking like this:

The one change you picked is still going: the meal plan you cook from, or the gym you actually use.

You miss a day, and you pick it up the next morning.

You look at the rest of your kabbalos and think, "Right, what's next?" instead of "I can't."

When you learn how to choose the one change that matters most and take it step-by-step, your life changes by Chanukah. That's the work I do with my clients.

If you're tired of starting everything at once and dropping it all a week later, and you want to see real change by Chanukah, then it's time we talked.

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• ADHD