Torah & Mental Health

A woman once came to a Chasidic Rebbe crying distraughtly. “Rebbe, please help me. My son has gone completely insane!” “What happened?” asked the concerned Rebbe. “My son was always devoutly religious, but the other day he started eating pig and dancing with women!” wailed the broken hearted mother. “Madam” replied the Rebbe, “Your son hasn’t gone insane. Now, if you told me that he was dancing with pigs and eating women, THEN I’d suspect he’d gone insane”.

Why do we need psychology and mental health awareness if we have the Torah, especially the teachings of Chasidus? I will try to answer this question bearing in mind the distinction between the three souls discussed in Chassidus and their relationship with each other; the Nefesh Habihamis or “animal soul” which is our survival instinct, the rational/intelligent soul, Nefesh Hasichlis, which makes the human being able to reflect and think differently from all other species, and the G-dly soul, the Nefesh Ha’elokis, the instinctive need to attach to Hashem which is unique to the Jew. Let’s begin with an example of three people. 

Reuven has tremendous financial hardship. He hasn’t had income in months, is behind in his rent, and is being threatened with eviction. This contributes to strong feelings of anxiety and thoughts of intense worrying about his family’s well-being. What can Reuven do about his anxiety? A Torah-based approach would be to help him strengthen his trust in the Hashem that things will be ok. This will calm his anxiety. It may also help him think more hopefully and perceive solutions where he previously did not. This approach helps him tap into what his G-dly soul understands as reality: nothing truly exists besides Hashem and that no matter what nature seems to plan it has no independent force. Some would even suggest that based on Tanya Igeres Hakodesh #11 he’s expected to be completely calm and have no trace of worry at all.  

A psychological approach would help him change his overwhelming unhelpful anxiety into a strong sense of healthy concern so that his worrying, while still present, does not overwhelm him but rather motivates him to find a solution and cope with the unfortunate reality as best as he can. This second approach tries to tap into the best of his intelligent/rational soul - Nefesh Hasichlis - which does see the world as a force to contend with. The goal in this approach is to change exaggerated irrational beliefs about how bad the situation is or how bad it can become into more realistic beliefs and evaluations. (I.e. “Even if we’re evicted, that would only be deeply unpleasant but it doesn’t have to mean we’ll be homeless forever”). This would help him reduce his intense anxiety and change the intense anxiety into a healthy sense of strong concern. 

(Parenthetically, the general difference between healthy negative emotions versus unhealthy negative emotions is that healthy negative emotions such as sadness, concern, frustration/disappointment, and regret or remorse motivate us change what we can and cope with what we cannot change, while unhealthy negative emotions such as depression, anxiety, rage, and guilt or shame make us feel overwhelmed, don’t help us cope, and sometimes motivate us to try to change things we cannot change instead of coping with them while ignoring what we can change, and to act counterproductively in other ways.) 

So while therapy might help Reuven calm himself significantly, faith, particularly through Chasidus, will have yet a further impact and perhaps reduce any trace of worry. Incidentally, the more rational he can be about the situation, the less challenging it will be to tap into this power of faith. 

Shimon is a wealthy man with multiple mansions and expensive cars. He has no worries about his finances and if you ask him, “Why don’t you worry?”, he’ll respond, “Why should I worry? I’ve made wise investments and I am very wealthy. And even in the unlikely event that I somehow lost everything, I would figure out how to become wealthy again or manage with what I have”. While this doesn’t sound clinically alarming at all, the Torah teaches a person to feel financially stable only because Hashem is taking care of him every moment and that all his income is really just Mann from heaven for which he has made an appropriate receptacle. So while nobody will suggest that this wealthy person who does not worry about his finances needs a psychotherapist, he may need a good dose of Chasidus to internalize the perspective of his G-dly soul so that he sees the world, and himself, as being re-created and directed every moment by Hashem.

Levi is equally wealthy and successful as is Shimon. However, he suffers from anxiety about his finances and is, emotionally speaking, in the same place as Reuven. “What if tomorrow I lose it all? What if somehow all my mansions burn down and the insurance companies pull legal loopholes and avoid paying for anything?” The solution over here is to help Levi reduce his irrational unrealistic fears and think more rationally and realistically about his situation. The chances of any of these things happening does not warrant the level of anxiety he is exhibiting. Nor will it help prevent these things from happening. It will just prevent him from living a happy life and appreciating the wealth he has. The minimal chance of any of these things transpiring should be addressed by taking reasonable measures to prevent them, getting a good insurance policy, and then getting on with life. 

Now, Suppose Reuven and Levi meet and share their feelings of anxiety and woes about their finances with each other and decide they are going to strengthen their trust in Hashem that He will make it all work out. While that’s very admirable for Reuven, it’s simply silly for Levi. The problem with Levi is not his lack of trust in the Supernatural in the face of natural obstacles. His problem lies in the lack of logical clarity as to what the natural world around him indicates. Training his brain to make logical evaluations and realistic predictions will provide relief from his anxiety. It’s true that strengthening recognition in Divine Providence may help him feel more at ease in general and therefore be less likely to have those irrational thoughts and beliefs, but the primary source of his anxiety is his distortion of reality. When nature says you are in danger, you tell nature that Hashem is the one in charge. But if nature says you are safe, yet you feel unsafe because you believe there are monsters under the bed, Don’t say, “The monsters have no impact Because Hashem is in charge”. Rather, reduce your absurd illogical beliefs and you’ll feel safer. 

Truthfully, all Jews must do our best to internalize the reality that the only truth is Hashim no matter what nature seems to imply and we all should probably try to think more sensibly about the world around us. In the case of Reuven, his anxiety was not coming from a severe lack of mental and emotional health and stability. It is perfectly rational to have anxiety in the face of such an obstacle. While the degree of anxiety can be mitigated and transformed into a healthy version of anxiety or “concern” through psychotherapy, increasing his trust that there is something beyond what nature presents can further help him through the predicament, both emotionally and practically. However, such a solution for Levi is avoiding the real problem. His issue lies not in his failure to see through nature and perceive the Supernatural. His issue is his distorted view of nature, and that’s where psychotherapy comes in. Stated differently: Chasidus didn’t come to make us normal; it came to make us holy. It assumes we’re intelligent healthy humans whose reality is the created universe (Nefesh Hasichlis) and it comes to make our reality G-dliness (Nefesh Elokis). If we are unhealthy, we will misuse and distort Chasidus like Levi in our story. 

Another example: (let me change the names for variation) Avraham is getting his kids ready to go to school. As they are about to leave the house, his wife shouts at him, “What on earth is wrong with you? What kind of lousy parent are you? Don’t you see that it’s chilly outside today and the children need coats? You are so absent minded!” Avraham gets enraged at being ridiculed and yells something equally harsh back to his wife and a shouting match ensues. 

What would be a healthier way for Avraham to handle the situation? Psychology could help him change his unhealthy rage into healthy frustration by mentally separating his sense of personal value from his wife’s momentary perception of him, among other methods. This would then guide him to respond assertively to his spouse with something like, “I’m glad you care about our children but I don’t appreciate being ridiculed, especially in front of them. If I make a mistake, you can point that out without belittling me“. 

While it’s understandable that a person would temporarily go into a rage in such a situation, that emotion and behavior is considered unhealthy both for the individual and for the relationship. Psychotherapy can be effective in helping Avraham examine his own thought systems and change his thinking, thereby changing his rage into a healthy anger/frustration. No one would suggest that being moderately angry in this situation is a sign of mental or emotional instability. In fact, strong but healthy frustration could help him communicate assertively to his spouse that he doesn’t appreciate that treatment. 

Chasidus, however, expects Avraham to embrace the episode as Divine Providence and something which Avraham needed to hear at that very moment. His wife is seen as merely a conduit for the Divine message and therefore he shouldn’t be at all unhappy. In this perspective, Avraham should be completely content, acknowledging that all that happens is orchestrated by Divine Providence and so there’s no reason to be angry at his wife because her choices are not what causes reality. 

As above, trying to go from the state of strong rage to this holy acceptance is much more challenging than trying to get to it  from a state of healthy frustration. So if psychotherapy could help him move from rage into frustration, he would then be more successful at using the Torah perspective to move from frustration to complete acceptance.

Yitzchok Is also getting his children ready for school and also has them almost out the door without coats. Yitzchok’s wife Berates and belittles him in the exact way that Avraham‘s wife did. However, Yitzchok responds with a healthy, “I’m glad you care about our children but I don’t appreciate being ridiculed, especially in front of them“. No one would suggest there is anything unhealthy about Yitzchok’s response. However, chasidus would expect, and enable, him to not even feel insulted in the first place by embracing it as Divine providence etc. (He still may choose to politely protest, but that would be purely for educating his children, not for his  personal feelings.)

Yakov’s children are also ready to exit the door without their coats. His wife says, “If I may suggest, it’s not particularly warm today and it may be a good idea for the children to wear coats”.  Yakov flies into a rage just like Abraham and yells at his wife, “You think I am an incompetent parent? I don’t need your help! Go insult someone else!“. All would hopefully agree that this response is unhealthy. Yakov’s wife had no intention of insulting him but merely made a suggestion in light of what she saw as imperfection on his part. While it may not be comfortable to have your flaws observed in any context, this was clearly not hostile. If someone would suggest that Yakov needs to deal with his feelings by viewing what his wife said as divine providence and that therefore he should not be enraged because this is what the Almighty wanted him to hear, so he will keep his cool despite feeling insulted, that is a misuse of Chasidus. There was no intent of hostility here and there is no healthy justification for his feeling insulted or defensive. The problem lies not in Yakov‘s lack of recognition of divine providence, even if that is something he still needs to work on and even if achieving greater levels in that area would help him be less angry. The root of the problem is his failure to have logical evaluations and realistic perception as to “how bad“ the behavior actually is, how malicious was the intent, and if it warrants that level of anger. His problem is his failure to see the situation rationally and healthfully. 

If Avraham and Yakov are both told by a rabbi that they need to increase their awareness of divine providence to deal with severe anger towards their spouse, this is a good and healthy treatment for Avraham but a ridiculous treatment for Yakov. When human nature suggests you are being verbally assaulted you can have a healthier perspective through psychology or a holier perspective through Torah. However, when human nature does not suggest any kind of insult or hostility but you’re distorted in your view and therefore unhealthfully sensitive, you need to regain your rational perspective so that instead of being challenged to deal with unhealthy range, you are dealing with a healthy frustration. 

It is true that all these three people in general should always increase their awareness of Divine providence and people should hopefully try to generally be more sensible and rational. But to suggest that Yakov should only deal with this by increasing his awareness of Divine providence without trying to simply be more rational and healthy is incorrect. There’s no need to see a Nisayon (trial) in a place where none exists, just like it’s silly to deal with your fear of monsters under the bed only by increasing your sense of trust in Hashem. The healthier the animal soul and logical soul are, the more easily we are able to integrate reality  as perceived by the G-dly soul into our natural thinking and logical and animal souls. 

In a similar vein, People who have a poor sense of self will distort the perception of Bitul and think that the more worthless they view themselves and the more they talk to themselves in a self-bullying and self-critical fashion, telling themselves things like, “I’m no good, I’m worthless, I shouldn’t have been born, I’m an embarrassment to the Jewish people and to the Rebbe” sadly believe that they are achieving great holy heights of Bitul while what they really are doing is simply perpetuating the negative self talk that was probably fed to them by people around them when they were growing up. True healthy Bitul means being cognitively aware of all of the qualities you have and good things you can offer the world and feeling emotionally pleased with that, yet realizing that in consideration of the objective truth that there is an infinite Aibishter all of your qualities are insignificant by comparison. So Bitul isn’t “I’m dumb”. Bitul is “I’m very smart, and compared to the Hashem my ‘smart’ Isn’t anything to get very excited about.

Its interesting that (as far as I know) even the most traditional thinker has never suggested that when a Jewish couple comes for marriage counseling the therapist should simply teach them how to have more Bitul and love for a fellow Jew and that will solve all their problems. Somehow, when it comes to marriage, everyone understands that there’s more going on here besides for the struggle between the animal soul & G-dly soul. In marriage people realize that there is an element of mental and emotional health and stability that needs to be addressed besides for increasing awareness of the divinity of marriage etc. Hopefully everyone can take that clarity and apply it not just their interpersonal understanding but to their intrapersonal understanding as well.

It’s worthy to note that just as when one uses natural methods to make a living or to lose weight, he needs to know that it’s all being done by Hashem, and you are only providing a natural receptacle, the same thing is true in psychotherapy; the reason why the natural approach to healing works is because it’s being done by Hashem. The individual is only making a receptacle by following the psychotherapeutic methodology.