Imagine trying to maintain a high-end sports car but never taking it out of the garage. You polish the hood, you check the tire pressure, you talk about the insurance premiums... but you never actually drive it. Eventually, it’s just a very expensive piece of furniture.
Marriage is the same. If you don't do "couple things," how can you expect to feel like a couple?
The Torah of "Us Time"
In Judaism, we have a concept known as Kovaya Eetim L'Torah (setting a fixed time for Torah study). We don’t just learn Torah when we "feel inspired". Because we prioritize Torah and our spiritual life, we set a time. We guard that time. We treat it as an appointment with the Infinite.
Something similar ought to apply to your relationship. Set a fixed time for your couplehood. "Date Night" (or "Date Morning") should be locked in to your weekly schedule.
Keep it Light -- The K'E'F' Rule
Believe it or not, even couples who implement weekly dates, still manage to screw this up.
Here's why:
They finally get to the coffee shop, restaurant or park, they sit down, and one person says, "So, about that basement leak..." "So, about that issue at little Timmy's school..." "So about that thing that happened with your parents..."
Stop right there.
Many people think now is a great time to bang out logistical details and problem-solve. They reason that this is "meaningful conversation."
But dates are a time for enjoying one another. This is time to "fill up your couplehood cup," not draw from it to tackle difficult scenarios and sticky situations.
You want to keep it light and just enjoy each other. Keep it fun!
'Fun' in Hebrew is 'Kef' --
K- Kids
E- Errands
F- Finances
Keep it 'Kef', by not talking about kids, errands, and finances.
So... What Do We Talk About?
If you feel like you have nothing to talk about once you strip away the kids, the to-do list, and the bills, that is exactly why you need the date! Y
This is a time for the two of you to exist only as a couple. Enjoy one another!
Yes, difficult issues need to be resolved, absolutely. Conversations need to be had. But they need their own time.
Date Night is a time for you to connect and simply exist as a couple -- independant of all other attachments and obligations.
Questions on this? Email me at [email protected]
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