According to Kabbalah, in a relationship, the role of the male is to be a "mashpia" — a giver.
But "Giver" doesn't mean to simply show up with roses, chocolate or jewelry from time to time.
"Giver" means much more. It is to provide a consistent flow of energy in the home and in the relationship. This includes finances, emotions, love, direction, positivity, reliability and everything else that's needed to make another feel safe, secure, provided for, and protected.
This gets tricky because it means the male has got to be rock solid. His actions and demeanor must be rooted in his higher self, rather than being dependent on his mood or what's going on around him. It also can’t waver based on how his wife is thinking, feeling or acting at any particular moment.
If he would be dependent on any of these things, he wouldn't be the reliable provider and source of vitality that he is meant to be.
So, you might ask: why would a woman act in a way that creates drama with such a man? Why would she bring strife into a relationship with a guy that’s functioning well? And, if she does make waves, what is the guy meant to do in that situation?
The answer to these questions boils down to one of my favorite Male-Female Dynamic principles: ‘If she can change you, then you are not really you’
Let's examine this for a second and see the scenario from her perspective. (And this is actually especially relevant in instances when the guy has started making positive changes in his life and in his relationship with her.)
In the subconscious of most women, there is a desire to feel secure and safe with her guy. She wants to know to her core that nothing will come between the two of them and nothing will ever get in the way of him loving her and being there for her.
So, subconsciously, a woman will often throw a wrench into her relationship due to her inner desire to know that such a wrench won't cause serious damage to the relationship.
This might sound crazy at first, but it is super common. To the point that women will tell me that they see themselves doing it, and question in their mind why they are sabotaging a good thing — and, yet, go ahead with the wrench throwing anyway.
So what is the guy to do in this situation?
You can choose to acknowledge it, dance with it, dodge it, but the important thing is not to get pulled into it. See right through it. Recognize it for what it is. Reaffirm your commitment to her in words and in deed. And allow it to just be.
After a number of times of doing this, the pattern will subside and bliss will take its place.
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