Healing Through Internal Family Systems

Healing Through Internal Family Systems: A Psychotherapist’s Approach to Helping a Young Woman Overcome Trauma

 BATSHEVA BOMZER, LCSW

 As a psychotherapist working with a variety of clients, I’ve seen how trauma can shape a person’s sense of self and relationships. Of the multiple modalities I incorporate in my private practice, I have found Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy can foster profound healing. Trauma often leaves deep emotional wounds, manifesting as inner conflict, self-doubt, or protective behaviors that shield but also isolate. IFS provides a compassionate, non-pathologizing framework to help clients reconnect with their inner strength and move toward recovery. This article explores how I used IFS to support this woman in overcoming her traumatic past.

Understanding the Client’s Trauma
My client, whom I’ll call Suri*, is a 26-year-old woman with a history of emotional abuse, abandonment, and unstable family dynamics during childhood.  Suri's mother would often blame her "for making her life miserable", and criticize her when she didn't do things to her liking. Suri's father had a temper, and her parents were in a constant state of conflict. Although Suri is married and is not living in her childhood home, she often grapples with feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and difficulty trusting others, including her husband. Suri often describes feeling “stuck” or “disconnected,” with emotions that range from intense self-criticism to periods of emotional numbness.

For Suri, her trauma expressed itself as harsh self-judgment, perfectionism, and a tendency to withdraw from close relationships. Traditional talk therapy alone wasn’t enough to address the depth of her inner struggles. Internal Family Systems therapy offered a powerful way to explore and heal her complex emotional landscape.

What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, IFS views the mind as a system of parts, each with its own emotions, roles, and intentions, often shaped by life experiences like trauma. These parts include:
    •    Exiles: Parts that hold pain, shame, or traumatic memories, often suppressed to avoid distress.
    •    Managers: Parts that protect by maintaining control, such as perfectionism or hypervigilance.
    •    Firefighters: Parts that react impulsively to numb pain, like avoidance, anger, or dissociation.
At the heart of IFS is the Self, an innate source of compassion, clarity, and calm that can guide healing when accessed. IFS aims to help clients connect with their Self, understand their parts, and create internal harmony.

Applying IFS with Suri
When I began working with Suri, she was reserved, often deflecting with intellectualization or minimizing her pain to avoid vulnerability. As an example, Suri would often describe details of her difficult upbringing “as if she were telling me a story that happened in a book”, with little to no emotion.  Using IFS, I approached her inner world with curiosity and respect, helping her identify and connect with her parts without judgment. Here’s how the process unfolded:

1. Building Trust and Identifying Parts
Early sessions focused on creating a safe therapeutic space by fostering connection and security. I introduced IFS by explaining, “Your mind is like a group of voices or characters, each trying to protect you in its own way, even if it feels overwhelming.” Suri connected with this, identifying a “harsh judge” part that criticized her constantly at work and a “numb” part that made her feel detached from her emotions. We named these her Inner Critic and Numb Part and began exploring their roles.
I encouraged Suri to approach her parts with curiosity, asking, “What is this part trying to protect you from?” or “What does it fear would happen if it didn’t act this way?” This helped her view her parts as allies with good intentions, reducing her sense of shame about her struggles.

2. Connecting with Exiled Parts
   As Suri grew comfortable with IFS, we explored her exiled parts—those carrying the pain of her trauma. In one session, she described a “wounded child” part, tied to memories of being criticized by her mother as a young girl. Suri’s mother often invalidated her feelings and yelled at Suri “for being too sensitive.” This part felt unlovable and feared rejection. Initially, Suri’s manager parts, like her Inner Critic, tried to suppress this vulnerable part to shield her from pain.

Using IFS, I guided Suri to access her Self—a calm, compassionate presence. From this place, she could connect with her wounded child part, offering it reassurance and care. In a moving session, Suri visualized comforting this part, saying, “You’re safe now, and you’re worthy of love.” This process, called unburdening in IFS, helped Suri release some of the shame and fear this part carried, fostering a sense of inner safety.

3. Working with Protective Parts
   Suri’s Numb Part, which caused dissociation, and her Avoidant Part, which led her to withdraw from relationships, were protective parts shielding her from pain. IFS helped Suri understand their intentions. The Numb Part, for instance, shared that it was trying to “keep things manageable” when painful memories surfaced. The Avoidant Part wanted to protect her from potential rejection.
   Through IFS, Suri learned to thank these parts for their efforts while gently asking them to step back, allowing her Self to lead. Over time, her dissociation and withdrawal lessened as she built confidence in her ability to handle difficult emotions.
4. Healing and Integration
   As Suri connected with her parts, she experienced more moments of Self-leadership—times when she felt grounded, confident, and compassionate. She described feeling “more whole” and more forgiving towards herself. We worked on helping her parts trust her Self to lead, reducing their need for extreme protective roles. Her Inner Critic, for example, softened as Suri developed self-compassion.
   We also used IFS to process specific traumatic memories. From her Self, Suri could witness these memories without being overwhelmed, gradually reducing their emotional intensity. This unburdening process helped her release some of the pain tied to her past, creating space for hope and growth.

Trauma can make vulnerability feel unsafe, so I prioritized building trust with warmth and connection, checking in frequently, and ensuring Suri felt in control of the process. I also ensured that Suri had a support system and coping skills to use in between sessions.

The Impact of IFS on Suri’s Healing
Over months of IFS therapy, Suri made significant strides. She became more open in her relationship with her husband, developed greater self-worth, and managed her emotions with more ease. Her sense of agency grew as she connected with her Self and recognized her parts’ efforts as survival strategies, not flaws. While her trauma’s impact may linger, IFS has equipped her with tools to navigate it with resilience and self-compassion.

Conclusion
Suri’s journey highlights the transformative power of Internal Family Systems therapy for adults with trauma. By helping her connect with her parts and lead from her Self, IFS has empowered her to move beyond her traumatic upbringing toward a life of healing and possibility. As a psychotherapist, I have the privilege of guiding clients like Suri to discover their inner strength, showing that even the most wounded parts can find peace when met with compassion and curiosity.

*Names and details have been changed to protect client privacy

• Internal Family Systems (IFS)