Understanding that we are human can be a tremendous help in managing our day-to-day lives. Maybe it’s where the idea of “people watching”, however creepy that may be, comes from; the desire to see how others are, potentially finding that others struggle to, that life isn’t perfect for everyone, that maybe just maybe, others are human too. We find comfort in knowing we're not alone in our imperfections and vulnerabilities.
For sure, we want to be careful that we don't use this knowledge to justify harmful behavior or become complacent about our own growth. We want to be careful that we don’t learn negative behavior, watch from a judgemental place, or open ourselves up to jealousy.
I once heard an awesome idea about shame. Someone said that shame stands for:
Should Have Already Mastered Everything
Recognizing that we are not alone in our struggles, that everyone is on their own journey of growth and learning, can help us release shame and extend compassion to ourselves.
It’s ok to not have mastered everything. It’s ok if each day is another small step. It’s ok if we backslide sometimes, even often. It’s human, it’s the way we learn. Interestingly, we actually learn more from our mistakes than we do our successes. So maybe the next time you feel shame creeping in, remember that you're exactly where you need to be. If I can recommend something else, I would suggest PACE:
Playfulness - finding joy and lightness even in difficult moments, using humor to ease tension and connect with ourselves and others. What if we can play around with our thoughts and feelings, even the difficult ones?
Acceptance - acknowledging what is without judgment, recognizing that all of our experiences, emotions, and struggles are valid and part of being human.accepting what is true right now, without judgment, as part of our human experience and journey of growth.
Curiosity - approaching our thoughts and feelings with genuine interest, asking ourselves "why" and "what if" questions, and exploring our inner world without criticism or harsh judgment.
Empathy - extending compassion to ourselves and others, recognizing our shared humanity and the universal nature of struggle and growth.
Would love to hear your thoughts ;)
-Moshe
P.S. If you agree that sitting with others can help in many ways, I’m starting a men’s group in Pesach Tikvah. It will be a weekly, structured, men’s therapy group focused on building practical skills for managing emotions, reducing stress, and improving relationships. Grounded in DBT and incorporating ACT and parts-based approaches, the group combines real tools, guided discussion, and supportive connection to help participants create meaningful, lasting change. You can call 929.525.2647 or email [email protected] for more info.
Brooklyn