|
Dear reader, You know all these quotes you see online that hit you right in the gut? “If he wanted to, he would.” “If you have to ask, it’s not for you." “Let him feel your absence." They sound empowering. They feel true. You nod along and thinking "Yes! I needed to hear that". But here’s the thing I want you to think about… What if that quote — the one that went viral, the one your friend reposted, the one that sounds like a mantra — actually doesn’t apply to you at all? What if following that advice is reinforcing your biggest default pattern? Here’s what I’ve seen again and again with the women I work with: most of the times we’re reading quotes that feed our fear, not our truth. We take in “empowering” advice without asking whether it’s speaking to our patterns or our specific challenges. When we don’t know ourselves well enough, we don’t know the difference. Let me give you a few examples. If your default pattern is being too picky as a defense because deep down you're scared of intimacy, then hearing “don’t settle for less” might actually be reinforcing that defense and fueling your self sabotage without you realizing it. You’ll be looking for red flags before giving anyone a chance. You’ll interpret “I’m tired tonight” as “a flaw like he’s not committed enough instead of just seeing it as a tired human being. However, if you are too open and go out with anyone that breathes :) because "you never know, it could be the one" and don't use critical analysis, then 'don't settle for less' is exactly what you need to hear. Get it? If your default pattern is anxiety — If you overthink, second guess worry about lack of responsiveness, then hearing “if he wanted to, he would” might spiral you into full blown panic or despair. You’ll assume every pause or miscommunication means he’s not serious, and your nervous system won’t let you rest until you feel “chosen” again. If your default pattern is people-pleasing — if you tend to over-function in relationships, ignore your needs, or twist yourself to be liked — then hearing "love means putting someone else first" might fuel your self abandonment and need for approval. You might double down on “acting confident” while secretly never asking for what you need. If your default pattern is hyper-independence — if you’re used to being self-reliant and feel uncomfortable receiving — then hearing “you don’t need anyone to complete you” might reinforce your emotional distance. You’ll keep telling yourself "you’re fine" or "it will happen when it happens"… while secretly longing for closeness you don’t feel safe enough to receive. When you don’t know your pattern, you’re blindly following advice that may keep you stuck or potentially be damaging. Before you listen to a friend’s opinion. Before you interpret that DM as a red flag. Before you save another quote on Instagram and let it steer your next decision. Self-awareness is the foundation of everything — especially in dating. If you don’t know what yourdefault reaction is, what your fears sound like, or how your wounds show up, you’ll misinterpret everything. You’ll sabotage something good. You’ll stay in something bad. All because everyone else’s voice feels louder than your own. But when you do know yourself — your patterns, your triggers — you become free. You know when it’s your fear talking and when it’s your truth. You know when it’s time to give someone a chance and when it’s time to walk away. You stop outsourcing your intuition to strangers on the internet. So, next time you see a quote that hits you deep, pause and ask yourself: Is this guiding me to my highest self or is it feeding my oldest wound? Sometimes, the deepest wisdom isn’t in the quote. It’s in knowing how you receive it. With clarity and compassion, Jackie 💜 |
Los Angeles