Manage your urges with the S.U.R.F technique
Learning to SURF urges isn’t just for kids. It's a skill the entire family can learn! I'm sharing this skill with you so you and your loved ones ride out those big feelings without wiping out.
Breakfast was served, kids were dressed, and we were out the door with less than a minute to spare. We are going to make it on time for the chol hamoed circus, and we are making it out without the usual last-minute scramble. Woo!
I was about to back out of the driveway, a rare morning victory in sight… until my daughter said excitedly, “Mommy, I forgot, I left my special chocolate treat behind. "Can we go back home to get it?”
“What? No… we’re already in the car," I caught myself right on the edge. I knew what was coming. The tension was there, coiling tight in my chest, the frustration bubbling up, ready to spill over in a less-than-calm response.
Instead, I started to SURF.
I closed my eyes to SPOT, which triggered these feelings. That was easy enough.
I UNDERSTOOD where the anger was in my body and what the feeling was trying to communicate…
Then, I began to RIDE the feelings as if surfing on waves. I noticed the feelings without trying to change them. I watched as my racing thoughts flew by. Even though my urge to react was strong, I knew if I continued to ride the wave, it would pass…
In a short amount of time, the feelings began to FALL, and I was able to respond.
“I hear you - you wish you had your chocolate,” I said. “We can’t turn around, or we’ll be late. But here, we brought some other snacks.”
“Potato chips?" "I need a chocolate snack!”
Surf. Surf. Surf.
“I know you’re disappointed. But I think we have two choices right now: go with mommy's cut-up fruits, or have some potato chips. What’s your pick?”
“Hmmm… I guess I’ll go with the potato chips.” she sighed as I pulled out of the driveway.
Did you know that self regulation, along with resilience, confidence and growth mindsets can be learned by kids? Reach out to hear more about my one on one coaching for kids. Refer a friend and get 10 percent off your next 10 sessions.
Thank you for being awesome!
Chana-Youth Empowerment Coach
