- Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 23 total)
- avacad0Participant1 year ago
Whenever I let my mind flow
To my childhood many years ago
I feel this huge lump in my throat
I feel disconnected almost remote
It causes me so much pain
Like an open wound in which the scars remain
I’m standing on a platform
Amidst a huge storm
Where people are passing by with a clear destination
And i’m caught in a whirlwind of emotion
Watching through the blur
With longing deep in my core
Of being a part
Of connecting through my heart
Of understanding the human passion
Of empathy, love and compassion
My heart has been shut
Buried deep in a secret rut
Feelings were locked away
Forever there to stay
With no access
Covered with layers of stress
And when the night would blanket the sky
I would visit my turmoil and cry
All the neglect would surface
From my hidden place
It would overwhelm my entire being
Where I felt like emotionally fleeing
I had this inner need
My tremendous lack to feed
With warmth and care
And kindness everywhere
To speak the language of the human race
A gentle touch and a soft embrace
I felt excluded from all this beauty
Unfit and left out of this community
Wondering in despair
So fuzzy and unclear
What am I missing what is wrong
That I don’t feel like I belong
That I need to give and never to get
To constantly be grateful and never upset
And while I would stand on the side
With this empty feeling inside
Convinced that I will never know the key
How to enter a world so joyful and carefree
I realized that I will need to nourish my soul
With a realistic goal
Of just watching the view
Of not knowing the clue
The ingredient so elusive
Of warm interactions in a club so exclusive.
But now from and adult perception
I know that all I have endured all the frustration
Has led me on a path so genuine and real
Of being a support to others and their pain to feel
I know that actions that appear rough
Are a disguise of a life really tough
And because of the hardships that I have had to fight
I will notice a person in pain and I will try to ease their plight
Because beneath the clouds there is a sun
And when you share with others you benefit in the long run.ChavyParticipant1 year ago
Avocad0e, that was so well written and with such emotion. I’m truly happy to see that you have used your pain and hard times to grow and help others. That’s amazing and so so beautiful.
I also often wish I could get more love, more care and more understanding from my family. And, as you pointed out, we need to give that to ourselves and nourish that part of ourselves. When you title “the trauma of growing up with emotional neglect” do you mean that you weren’t validated for showing your emotions? Just trying to understand.
Kol Hakavod to you for fighting and being who you are!!avacad0ParticipantTopic Author1 year ago
Thank you for your kind words! I grew up in a family where there was a lot of stress and anxiety. I picked up vibes at a very young age that my emotional needs will not be met so I buried it all. I was basically the caretaker of the family. I didn’t even realize what I was missing. I was on survival mode all my growing up years. When I got married and started raising a family of my own it all came crashing in on me and I couldn’t manage anymore. But b”h I have worked through a lot of things that I have not dealt with as a child.1 year ago
Wow some talent you have avocado. To put all this pain into words. Thank you for sharing.1 year ago
@avacado your absolutely amazing! I just can’t stop reading it, I feel like crying. There is so much emotion in it.Thanks for sharing it1 year ago
@avacado I found this poem very inspirational, may I share it with siblings/friends outside this forum?avacad0ParticipantTopic Author1 year ago
Yes for sure! The reason that I posted here is to share my feelings so that others can gain.Fay BrezelAdminVerified Pro1 year ago
@avocado thank you so much for sharing this with us. So inspiring and beautifully written!Red4Participant1 year ago
Beautiful poem! It’s a great way to put down your thoughts and emotions, and somehow you managed to rhyme, too.
As I am still in such a situation, and I have only just started dealing with, the only thing I can offer you is the knowledge that others feel the same, and I appreciate the hope you put in at the end. It’s that spirit of giving that can make us better people, and good for you for taking that pain and utilizing it to help others.1 year ago
@red4 sorry that you’re in this situation. At least you’re up to dealing with it. I hope things get easier but often times in these situations things get harder before they get easier. rooting for you!alwaysworriedParticipant1 year ago
Thank you so much for sharing this touching poem. i think many people experience this but it takes so much time and healing to be able to put words to this painful experience let alone in a beautiful succinct poem. wow.Wandering JewParticipant1 year ago
A rather beautiful, moving description of your journey.
A long while back in therapy, I was working on vulnerability and mother issues with an amazing human being.
As we broached the area, my therapist sent me an article which eloquently described what a mother’s love is, and why it was always there for us even when we could not get to it.
I was (and still am) deeply touched by the profound beauty and truth of the message.
I don’t know if the following blog relates to what you have been through (though I do hope it does), but I hope that you find solace in the purity and humanity of it
Here is the link.
P.S. I checked with Fay Brezel before posting something from an outside source, and she gave it her full-hearted approval.1 year ago
@wandering jew thank you for the link, it’s a powerful message!
I’m wondering is it normal to feel that I’m not ready to accept love from the person who hurts me(and everyone around) if that “miracle” ever happens?Red4Participant1 year ago
@Wandering Jew, I was going to immediately respond to your post and say that there is no article that can explain why my mother is incapable of love (maybe she was at one point, but no longer). But I clicked on the link you posted and it was an interesting perspective that actually answered a question I wasn’t sure I wanted to ask. On the other hand, I don’t think I will ever get that love from her, and it was a sad day when I accepted that but it gave me peace because I no longer feel the need to try so hard. (I still do sometimes, because, well, mommy issues, but it’s gotten better for me–even if not for her.)
@anonymous: yes that’s normal. A bond of trust was broken, and accepting that bond again leaves you vulnerable to more hurt, which is a situation most people are reluctant to put themselves in. It can happen. and the miraculous love may be real, but it will take a lot more work to reach it, and continuous effort to maintain it.1 year ago
Thank you for sharing!